TRAIN SPOTTERS - THE TRUE STORY!  

Surely I am not alone in thinking that something should be done to eradicate the cynical view the British media have of train spotters? I am fed up of the press and TV poking fun at the so-called anorak brigade who, for a variety of reasons, are perceived as a bunch of simple-minded misfits because of their passion for railways.

 
  

Well, if the media are entitled to an opinion, then we have every right to reply, and since the media have made a mockery of anoraks we have every reason to complain too. Moreover, train spotting is such a complicated subject to delineate, I have deliberately pitched this retrospective of it between a parody of the Sixties and a potted history of Britain's railways - and, in case anyone misses the point, the style is meant to be jokey. Even so, it is no laughing matter that train spotters have become the most risible group in the land.    


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Regrettably, anorak-bashing now comes with the territory, and although it means diddly-squat to me personally, I set no store by people who ride rough-shod over the unguarded, especially children. After all, the kids grow up too quickly nowadays, so they have a pretty clear idea of what is meant by discrimination - it is about taking prejudices a step too far. Take bullying at school, for example - a child may suffer a stammer, wear spectacles, be fat or skinny, but their encumbrance is not the issue here. It is just an excuse for the school bully to humiliate their victims in the cruelest way possible. But these jibes are not confined to the playground; they continue into adulthood too. The Irish are regarded as thick, the Scots tight-fisted, fat people lazy slobs, plummy-voiced Etonians upper-class twits, soccer supporters beer-swilling thugs, Essex girls blonde bimbos - yet seldom can anyone have suffered so grievously from stereotyping than train spotters.  Whoa! - what on earth is going on?  It smacks to me of bullying of the worst kind...

 

Who's the kid with sticky-out ears? Hey! - it's me, if you don't mind! The only reason I've included this snapshot of a small boy clutching a tinplate toy train in the early 1950s is to show an allegiance to trains very early on in life. I spent my childhood in Horsforth within sight and sound of the Leeds-Harrogate line and one of the earliest memories is watching the stately procession of 'woo-woos' from my bedroom window, long before the 'doh-dohs' came onto the scene! That's child-speak for steam and diesels, in case you're wondering?

Below: During the late Fifties, tens of thousands of schoolboys began photographing steam trains using the simplest Kodak Brownie 127 camera. Introduced in 1952, it was the first affordable camera on the market, costing £1/4s/6d - £I.22½p in today's money. The camera had a single element lens and fixed shutter speed of 1/25 sec, which was totally inadequate for taking photographs of moving trains. Still it required no adjustments except for pressing the shutter and winding on the film, enabling thousands of young spotters to get started in railway photography. The camera took 8 pictures on 127 roll film - the yellow backing paper was a bit finicky when loading -  but it was a robust model with a bakelite body and a face plate ornamented with a diamond pattern. The Brownie 127 remained a firm favourite with spotters until the launch of the Instamatic cartridge camera in 1963. 

The reason train spotting become so popular with small boys in the Fifties is because steam trains are hugely-watchable - a sight for sore eyes, as we say in Yorkshire. At the same time, wartime measures were still very much in evidence during the 1950s, and most High Street shops were selling utility products made from strictly controlled Government allocations.  The end of the 'points' rationing system, some 14 years after its introduction was a portent of better things to come, but with the absence of anything much to buy in toy shops, many youngsters were taught how to create the simple pleasures from their own imaginations. For instance, pulling an empty cardboard box by a piece of string was not, in our minds, playing. We were in charge of a bus, or driving a steam engine. Then, as we grew older, we had spinning tops, kites, skipping ropes and Meccano bits 'n' pieces. It was a world long before the silicone chip, mobile phones and the Internet, so we knew nothing else. Indeed, my earliest memory is watching the stately procession of steam trains on my local line between Leeds and Harrogate. The sight and sound of a hard-working steam locomotive evoked such an extraordinary sense of being in the company of something great and dignified that, after it had gone, I could barely wait until the next one came along. 

(Below) I love this Mike Mitchell photo... you can almost hear the roar of Class V2 No 60946 heading a Liverpool-Newcastle train near Rigton Box on the Leeds-Harrogate line in December 1959. Click on link to Mike Mitchell's 'Rail Cameraman' page 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


And the smell? - a heady mixture of steam, coal, steam and hot oil which somehow touched allsenses, except for touch itself, but even that was imperceptible; a steam locomotive has such profound character that it was impossible not be affected by its presence.  Even so, it would take a child with a rhinoceros hide to overcome their fear of steam. How often have we seen a terrified toddler being dragged, kicking and screaming, because their father wants to cajole his offspring to take a closer look at the 'big' engine simmering away at the end of a station platform? It may well be a ruse by doting dads to indoctrinate their child into the spotting brotherhood, but in the eyes of a small boy, a steam locomotive is an awesome animal at close quarters, and no amount of unconditional bribery can dissuade them that it isn't.

In the photo © Frank Ashley (below) you can almost hear this terrified toddler kicking and screaming as a doting dad tries to cajole his offspring into taking a closer look at Stanier Pacific No 46250 City of Lichfield simmering away at the end of the platform at Carlisle in May 1952. It may well be a ruse to indoctrinate a child into the spotting fraternity, but a steam locomotive is an awesome animal at close quarters, and no amount of unconditional bribery can dissuade them that it isn't...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Above) In many ways, the Rev Audrey's stories of 'Thomas the Tank Engine' puffing up and down his branch line are a cruel deception, for the cute little engine is nothing like the living, breathing monsters we see in real life. These engines have fires raging in their bellies and steam rushing through their veins, so when a child is lifted up to the footplate and shown a fireman shovelling coal into the firebox, they probably think they're being offered up as some kind of a metaphorical sacrifice! This photo of four year-old Geoff Plumb in the cab of MR 1P 0-4-4T No 58077 at Wirksworth station during the SLS/MLS 'High Peak Rail Tour' on 25th April 1953 speaks volumes...'No anoraks in those days!' he says on his website - 'I was enjoying myself - honest!' Treat yourself to more of Geoff's photos by visiting his superb site via this link - 'Plumb Loco' . 

(Below) Talking of links...harking back to the old days before the world wide web (www) was launched in 1989, there was nothing I liked better than browsing through the pages of 'Railway Magazine' and 'Trains Illustrated'. Odd then, that it took me so long to surf one of the largest railway archives in the world on the Internet. At first, I found the 'drag and click' jargon a bit baffling, but once I got going it was great to log on and search through the thousands of railway sites. Trouble is, surfing the 'communications super highway' is a daunting task unless you know what you're doing. Over the years, the world wide web has become a victim of its own success, and the information overload - the sheer volume of material it contains - can take a lot of digesting. But the task is made somewhat easier by visiting a community site such as 'Steam Train Galleries'.  For an old duffer like me, it is like dropping in on old friends! Talking of old friends, you get the chance to make new ones too! Since starting this website back in 2007, I've always felt like the new kid on the block, yet the world wide web is constantly growing, and one of the latest is Steamtube - a new social network for steam fans on the web.

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

The photo of Geoff Plumb on the footplate reminds me of my own timidity at such a young age, because it wasn't until after a dozen or so close encounters with steam that I finally mastered my fear of them. In fact, the expression 'cheap thrill' springs to mind, because not only was train spotting thrilling, standing by a railway line collecting engine numbers cost next to nothing, which, for many post-war families strapped for cash, came as a blessing in disguise. Indeed, because parents gave the hobby a universal 'thumbs-up', train spotting became the national hobby for boys in the 1950s. (Right) Ambling along at a leisurely pace, this 'Thomas the Tank Engine' look-alike - Class J72 0-6-0T No 68686 - heads a troublesome truck on the Cawood branch near Wistow for the return journey to Selby on 20 August 1959 Photo © Mike Mitchell


 

NEW LINKS TO PAGES ON THIS SITE: So now you have the measure of this train spotting page and fancy a trip down memory lane, the links (left) will take you back to the 1950s - a decade of post-war austerity when the basic ethos was to provide food for the table - invariably home-grown vegetables picked fresh from the garden. The Sixties heralded a new dawn of optimism and prosperity; it was a decade when the standard of living improved no end and yet the quality of our lives became all the more poorer for it. Click on pictures to vist pages, then click on 'X' top right of screen to return here.

Back in the Fifties, train spotting was a good lesson for small boys who hated the scholarly drudge of school homework. By far the most rewarding part of a day's spotting was underlining the relevant 'cops' in an Ian Allan abc Locospotters Book, which came as close to school homework as anyone could get! The abc combined volume was a journey of discovery, containing the oddest names belonging to the former GC Director class D11 Nos 62671-62694  built to Scottish loading gauge, including a Hobbie Elliot and a Luckie Mucklebackit - both characters from the novels of Sir Walter Scott - along with the ex-NB Class D30s Nos 62418-62441 which had a Cuddie Headrigg, Dumbiedykes and Caleb Balderstone among their classmates. Sadly, the majority of the ScR's engines listed in my abc remained woefully blank. This included several Scottish-based A4s and A3s, which belonged to the prestigious class 'A' Pacifics - a prized 'cop' among Eastern Region fans. By the early 1960s, however, unwelcome gaps began to appear among the steam classes (due to scrapping) and the proliferation of new diesels did not enter the equation because they were not yet listed. Call it a dereliction of duty, if you like, but the inconsistencies creeping into the hobby was totally at odds with the orderliness that spotters expected, and many disenchanted youngsters turned to railway photography - a natural adjunct to train spotting. Rail Cameraman Roy Lampard is a good example - Click on this link to visit Roy's page - 'BR Steam on Shed'.


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



(Above-Below) Trains coming and going at Bristol Temple Meads. A couple of spotters watch the arrival of 'Castle' class No 7022 Hereford Castle on 2nd April 1951. (Below) When I saw this photograph of Ian Allan abc Locospotter Books on eBay recently, it triggered a shedful of spotting memories from childhood days...if railway memorabilia is your bag, then shopping on eBay is the place for you. On every visit I've counted no less than 10,000 railway items on sale at any one time - click on 'collectables', scroll down to transportation - then click on 'railwayana' and you'll find a veritable Alladin's cave of memorabilia from Edmondson card tickets to locomotive nameplates. Highly recommended...photo courtesy eBay trader 'dc3400'. 












 

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Below: 'Cinders and ashes!' gasps Thomas - 'That's me!' In the normal way people hate having their childhood memories messed around with, but when the 'Thomas and Friends' TV series was launched in the 1980s it surpassed all expectations and railway enthusiasts (Doubting Thomas's - if you'll forgive the pun!) were bowled over. Thomas is a registered trademark of Gullane (Thomas) Limited 2004; a HIT Entertainment Company, and I have used this poster - 'A Day out with Thomas' - on the Embsay & Bolton Abbey Steam Railway to promote both the line and the Rev. W Audrey's stories, which are a huge hit with children today. There is another 'David Hey's collection' to be found on the 'Embsay & Bolton Abbey Steam Railway's website. 

Below: I like the EE Co machines, I really do! During the transition from steam, the English Electric Company was the only manufacturer to have designed and built diesel locomotives to meet the requirements of all five BR power classes. The company also supplied more than half of the diesel fleet. But the box-like shapes of diesel locomotives are soulless in comparison to the bulky proportions of a steam locomotive - and less scary, too! Here, young spotters are not afraid to get a close-up view of No D258 being coupled-up to a southbound train at York Photo © EA Wood-D Hey.       

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Below: The childhood memory is fallible, they say, but if I had to take stock of all my spotting memories, the sight of a mid-afternoon express thundering through Calverley & Rodley behind a rockin'-rollin' Class B1 is the most profound of all. Talk about rough-riding! It was a spell-binding moment that rooted me to the spot. The train hurtled through the station, rocking and swaying over the points like a wild stallion. You could feel the air pressure bearing down, a headlong rush of noise and smell - then it was gone, the magic all too brief. I'm not sure if the NER driver had some misbegotten allegiance to former companies engines working on MR territory, or if the train was booked to an impossibly tight mid-afternoon schedule between Bradford and Leeds. Whatever the reason, thanks for the memory! The photo was taken on a Brownie 127 in June 1958.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Below:  'BLINKERS!' During the 1950s, British Railways had more than 230 different steam engine classes on its books, therefore identification was a tricky subject for the inexperienced spotter. I'm referring to the numerous former 'Big Four' 0-6-0 tender engines and tank engines still in common use across the Regions. HC Casselerley's excellent 'Observers Book of Railway Locomotives', published by Frederick Warne & Co Ltd., was a great aid in identifying the full range of British Railways steam engines then in use on Britain's railways. Even the 'namers' among the 'blinkered' 'A1' and 'A2' Pacifics were difficult to tell apart. Indeed, both classes could well have been one and the same to me until the quite obvious differences became apparent later. Class A2 No 60513 Dante is being prepared for duty at its home shed of New England. Photo © D Hey-EA Wood collection

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Below) For the benefit of younger spotters, the nickname, 'blinker', was derived from the appearance of the smoke deflectors which look similar to the leather pieces fixed to a horse's bridle to prevent the animal from seeing in any direction other than straight forward. The nickname stuck with me until my dad explained that deflectors were designed to prevent the formation of a vacuum which can suck swirling smoke down along the boiler and obscure the driver's view from the cab. As for the Class A1 names? In true LNER tradition, several members of the class appeared with names of racehorses and birds, but five engines carried names of the constituent railway companies which had gone to make up the LNER - No 60113 Great Northern, a rebuild of an original Gresley Class A1 Pacific - No 60147 North Eastern; 60156 Great Central; 60157 Great Eastern and 60161 North British, the latter seen  here at its home shed of Haymarket. The full complement of 49 engines was not named until the early 1950s.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
 

Right: A favourite place for train spotting during the 1950s was Thirsk station in North Yorkshire. The station is

 
situated on the flat racing ground north of York - a superbly-aligned section of track that has seen more high-speed running than anywhwere in Britain. From the platform edge, you could spot a train a mile away, especially the Class A4 'Streaks' - the sun caught their distinctive streamlined fronts which produced a beam of light. It was just a faint glimmer at first, and hardly discernable in the shimmering haze rising from the track, but you knew instantly what was hurtling towards you - 'Streeaaak!'  Here, Class A4 No 60007 Sir Nigel Gresley heads the down  'Talisman'  through Tollerton in typical flamboyant style. Photo © D Hey-EA Wood collection

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



(Above-Below) Endangered species! Odd things happen to small  boys when they grow older. Train spotting isn't enough to sustain their full interest. Instead they move on to more grown up things like pop music, and before long they're thumbing through the lingerie pages in mum's mail order catalogue, or ogling the girls' gym teacher at school. There is nothing out of the ordinary about that, of course - today's adult railway enthusiasts are pretty much ex-train spotters, now married with 2·4 children, who did exactly the same thing at that age. Trouble is, as soon as testosterone-fuelled hormones kick-in, young boys develop a neurotic obsession for chasing girls than collecting engine numbers. You can always tell when this aberration happens. Boys go all gooey-eyed and wear an expression of poodle-like devotion once reserved for bagging a prized 'cop'. Like it or not, train spotting and girls are like the poles of two magnets being forced together and something's got to give. When a girl flirts with a boy he loses all power of reason; when she's got him wrapped around her little cloven hoof, he's doomed! In between falsetto cries of 'Streeaak!' at Thirsk station, this seat on the 'down' platform was my favourite perch for train spotting, but during a lull between trains the attention span of a pea-brained spotter wasn't conducive to self-discipline and I ended up being barred from Thirsk station a couple of times. I did manage to sneak back, though, and headed straight for the seat, which was out of sight of the main buildings on the opposite side of the main line, so the station staff would be the least likely to notice I was there. I was deluding myself! - 'Not you again, yer little sod! I thought we told you to bugger off!'

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 





















 

 

Above: An unidentified Class 40 in filthy condition, yet with all 'four up' - denoting a Royal Train working - heads south through Thirsk, date unknown.

Left: As mentioned elsewhere, railway photography is a natural adjunct to train spotting. Well, the same can be said for railway art - and, in time-honoured fashion, I save the best until last! This picture of 'County' class No 1015 County of Gloucester storming Dainton bank epitomises all that is great about steam railway photography. Having read Dick Blenkinsop's books on the Western Region: 'Silhouettes'; 'Shadows'; 'Reflections' and 'Echoes' - to say nothing of his similarly titled books on the 'Big Four' - it inspired me to seek out the locations he visited whilst holidaying in South Devon, albeit some twenty five years after steam had vanished from the scene. Needless to say, I didn't get anything quite like this! The eagle-eyed reader may spot Dick Blenkinsop's signature in the bottom left hand corner. This signed photograph is a treasured item in my collection of railway memorabilia

Teignmouth Painting: © D Hey One of the best ways of painting a technical artwork is by copying the detail from a photograph. But that raises the question of who owns the copyright - the artist or the photographer? Indeed, few artists can claim not to be inspired by a great photograph. I certainly have. The one man who has fired my enthusiasm for the Western Region is Dick Blenkinsop, whose photographs have been a source of inspiration. In particular I recall his shot of 'Battle of Britain' class No 34061 73 Squadron heading a local Plymouth-Exeter train along the seal wall between Dawlish and Teignmouth. It appears in 'Echoes of the Big Four', in which he says - 'It is not easy to obtain pictures of trains with a clear seascape in the background.' Oh, but there is! It's called artistic licence! And this is the result; a painting of 'King' class No 6024 King Edward 1 heading the 'down' 'Cornish Riviera Express'. For me, Dick Blenksinsop represents the very best of a Sixties demigod that few people outside the spotting community know about - the railway photographer... 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
The smell of a steam engine is one the most delicious in the world, and there are few smells more rewarding than those to be found on a preserved railway. If you can imagine soaking up the freshness of newly-mown grass or the radiance in the street following a good bucketing down of rain, then you'll

 
appreciate the aroma of hot oil and steam that permeates every fibre of your anorak! (Right) Established in 1832, the Ffestiniog Railway is the oldest independant company in the world. Following closure in 1946, a group of enthusiasts set about the task of re-opening the line in 1954 and today the company has become a leader in railway preservation. (Below) Following closure of BR's 5-mile branch from Keighley to Oxenhope in 1962, the KWVR's re-opening of the line in June 1968, just two months before the end of BR steam in August 1968 is a credit to all concerned. Indeed, whilst the rest of us were bemoaning the end of steam like scatterbrained ninnies there was somebody prepared to roll up their sleeves and do something possitive to restore it...

Although my train spotting days have long since gone, it doesn't stop my imagination being fired up and rearing to go. Trouble is, as you get older -  well past the 'Big Six-0' - the sedentary lifestyle that comes with the ageing process is profoundly depressing, so wallowing in nostalgia for the old days is a great way of seeking refuge from the grim reality of our crazy world. And in case you're wondering, I am not alone in some reactionary minority. A huge number of my generation find themselves lamenting the erosion of common decency, politeness and, above all else, a respect for wholesome family values and Britishness.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Above-Below) This country has successfully assimilated overseas immigrants for more than 150 years. The first significant wave came from Ireland to help build our Victorian railways - see Marsh Lane Cutting in Leeds (above) and Blea Moor picture (below). Indeed, the British owe a huge debt of gratitude to the countless thousands of Irish navvies together with the immigrant workers from Commonwealth countries who were actively encouraged by the Government to fill the acute shortage of manpower during the Fifties.


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

Boys loved train spotting back in the Fifties. Membership didn't depend on birth. It was an open shop and anyone could join. The camaraderie between spotters was on a par with the banter between football supporters today. For example, my soccer-mad grandson wears a replica Leeds United FC shirt. Fifty years ago, I wore an anorak with Ian Allan enamel badges emblazoned on the sleeves. This show of solidarity must be in a boys' genes, because youngsters love to wear badges, caps, scarves - even stick-on tattoos - to show their loyalty. In fact, there are many similarities between soccer fans and trains spotters, though it is scarcely apparent at first, yet both groups experience every emotion from great joy to deep despair. For example, my grandson was devastated by Leeds United's spectacular fall from grace at the end of the 2003-4 Premiership season. His utter dejection reminds me of how I felt when steam ended all those years ago...  

 

Oh, if we could only turn the clock back to halcyon spotting days when life was just so simple then, when a 1d platform ticket gave youngsters umpteen hours of sheer enjoyment. (Below) Comparing notes in their Ian Allan abc books, a couple of spotters await their next 'cop', a meditative teenager contemplates Britain's balance of payments deficit and the driver of 'Jinty' 0-6-0T has a fag break, doubtless looking forward to the end of his shift and a pint in his local BRSA Club. Photo copyright EA Wood-D Hey collection.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


             
                 WHY BAN TRAIN SPOTTERS FROM RAILWAY STATIONS? 

If you're past the 'Big-Five-0' the following lyrics will ring a bell:

'I'm sitting in the railway station,
Got a ticket for my destination,
On a tour of one night stands,
My suitcase and guitar in hand,
And every stop is neatly planned,
For a poet and a one man band…'

This is a defining moment for me. At long last, after years of deliberation, I've ditched my trusty old Canon A1 35mm camera. I'm about to take a giant leap into digital photography! Tar-raaah! Well, it's not every day I get the chance to try my hand at new-fangled cutting edge technology - better late than never, I suppose.

So what, pray, has a Simon & Garfunkel song lyric from the 1970s got to do with me going digital? Well, I'm sitting in Leeds railway station with a ticket for Church Fenton, and though I haven't a suitcase and guitar in hand, I do have a camera bag containing a Nikon D1 with two lenses: 20-35mm and 80-200mm, courtesy of my non-anorak pal, Phil Spencer - and I'm itching to get started, only there's a problem…'And every stop is neatly planned?' I wish it was, but the opposite is true. I thought it'd be a good idea to update the site with 'before-after' photos of railway stations, starting at Church Fenton. But it'd be stupid to even try… I know there is a terrorist threat. It's as plain as day why the railway authorities want to impose a ban on train spotters at railway stations. Ever since the 9/11 attacks and the London bombings, who in their right mind is going to object?

But why single out train spotters? It just doesn't make sense! The train spotting fraternity provides the 'eyes and ears' of a railway station, our expert observations can spot a misdemanour a mile off. For example, I have an hour to kill before my train is due. Not that I'm in any hurry. I'm happy to be sitting in a quiet corner of a café terrace, watching the world go by. And I don't mind the espresso coffee being served in a polystyrene coffee cup either, though the plastic stick is a poor excuse for a spoon; how am I supposed to salvage the soggy digestive I've just dunked? The coffee is scalding hot and the woman on the next table is smirking at my dilemma behind her 'Hello' magazine. This couldn't have happened at a worse time. I'm a railway photographer on a reconnaissance mission and the last thing I want to do is draw attention to myself.

So I abandon the coffee and watch the hustle and bustle of commuters coming and going, jabbering animatedly into mobile phones, clearly not concentrating on where they walk. It's a miracle they don't collide into one another or trample an innocent child underfoot, and I do wonder why everyone is in such an almighty rush these days? It reminds me of Desmond Morris's fast-frame TV films of ant-like crowds darting about public places in the 1960s. But not everyone I see is in a hurry; there's a guy in a dirty raincoat seemingly dead on his feet from the night before, yet somehow still managing to sucker gullible passers-by into handing over loose change for a bite to eat - whom's he kidding? It's for the off-licence…we both know that! Then there's the stout Muslim woman in a full burqa, or it could be a man, it's hard to tell the gender.

But beggars and burqas are not the only gripe I have. Just as bad are the two thug-like hoodies sitting a few tables away, feet on chairs, scarcely older than 3rd Form school kids, yet casting belligerent looks at anyone daring to make eye contact. They seem to regard the world around them with a mask of hard-faced indifference like a couple of plebeian hoodlums from a Quentin Tarantino movie. Then there's the guy in shades ogling a group of giggling teenage girls tottering by in mini skirts and stiletto heels and, unless my mind is playing tricks, he's probably a perve getting his kicks hiding behind his so-called cool facade. But of course, one can't see his eyes so it would be wrong to swear by it, which is precisely my point...I feel intimidated by people who hide their identities beneath hoods, robes and shades, all of which provide a perfect disguise for an Al-Qaeda terrorist, yet unless I'm very much mistaken, out of everyone there, I'm the only one under close scrutiny because I'm a train spotter - my trademark anorak is the biggest clue and the pom-pom hat is a dead giveaway too.

Oh cripes! I've been rumbled, and now a barrage of CCTV security cameras are pointing my way; they're probably zooming in on the camera bag at my feet, and it's at moments like this that I wish I'd stayed at home. My gut instinct has never let me down before, and right now it's telling me that if I don't skedaddle fast I'll be a sitting duck. So I make a move to leave, but it's too late - the station has gone to Code Red - 'Warning! Train spotter in Sector Two, approach with caution, probably stark-raving mad!' I imagine being surrounded by armed police crouched in a combat position, legs apart, shoulder-to-shoulder, each aiming automatic weapons in my direction - guns to the left of me, rifles to the right, and here I am stuck in the middle - singled out by some young upstart of a jobsworthy who adjudges me to be a dead ringer for an undercover terrorist operative.

Okay, I made the last paragraph up - it adds drama to the story, and you might be forgiven for thinking I'm turning into a right old miserable so-and-so - and you're right! I'm fed up of today's second-rate celebrity culture, the legion of greedy bankers and their bonuses, the brass neck of self-serving MPs 'fiddling' their expenses and alternative comedians cracking unfunny jokes about tampons. Most of all, I'm concerned about the public's perception of train spotters...a topic that needs seriously addressing, and one I'll never tire of defending. That's why I say the ban on spotters should be lifted. After all, the Government can't have it both ways; human rights legislation should work equally for everyone, and the heavy-handed treatment of train spotters by rail authorities is a breach of our civil liberties, surely?

Okay, now I've got that lot of my chest, let's get down to the real business of this site...because I sometimes forget that this page is supposed to be a light-hearted look at old spotting days. For example, one can claim 'Repetitive Strain Injury' for just about anything nowadays, and since I was thrown out of engine sheds hundreds of times as a kid, I want compensation - and why ever not? A retrospective cash payout to compensate my 'traumatised state' will help pay for a holiday one way or another. This, surely, is the crux of all that is wrong in this barking-mad world...

 


 

 

                    
















  




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